My 3rd and last night on Koh Phangan.  This has been a very exciting part of my trip.  After the Pirate Party, I cozied into my little bungalow and managed to get under the wrong sheet.  there are 2 single beds pushed together, each with a crisp white sheet.  There is a large flate sheet pulled tightly over both of those that appears to be intended to keep you from getting body parts wedged between the 2.  Whoops!  I also have zero clues as to how mosquito nets work.  They tie them up to look nice when you get there so it is up to the guest to unfurl the protective veil. Unfurl, I did!  But with the fan blowing on it, it was hard to get it to close.  I tried to spin it around and used pillows to trap the opening in a less windy directionand then used a series of hair clips to keep it closed.  I figured it would do but any mosquito detwrmined enough would find the weak spot.  The good news is, I did not receive any bites.  The bad news is, I woke up more or less mummy-wrapped in the netting.  HOW DO YOU OPERATE THESE THINGS????  It doesn’t help when its a thousand degrees and everyhthing sticks to you.

So…..breakfast.  Let’s talk about breakfast.  Since there are so many Westerners here, when you order Western food it is at least double the price of Asian food.  A basic bacon and eggs deal would cost me 280B but a Thai omelet is only 80B.  What the hell is in a Thai omelet?  Well…..I ordered the chicken because chicken and eggs amuses my dark side.  But what I DIDN’T order was the spider!!  About a 3rd of the way in, a golden crispy-fried spider tumbled out.  It was one of the jumping spiders often seen darting around on the ceiling.   I don’t know how long I stared at it, mouth full of food, in deep debate as to whether or not I should keep chewing or freak out.  The crispy critter was in good shape, not mashed and only his legs were missing from the knee down.  Well, I took the end of the knife and I flicked that Kentucky fried-fucker as far as I could and finished my breakfast.  A part of me was a bit delirious as I held in a victorious giggle thinking “no one is going to believe this” while part of me continued googling  my plan for the day, trying not to think about the horror that had just taken place.

Koh Phangan is a bit similar to Lanta but is a) Busier/touristy and b) They have pork….haha!  But there are few vehicles and everyone rents scooters.  I spent a good portion of my morning reading horror stories about the scooter scams here on the island and most people were saying “just don’t do it”.   I nervously wandered from the bungalows and into the nearby village looking for a rental.  EVERYONE has them for rent, just like EVERYONE will do your laundry.  I wandered up to a small scooter repair shop that had a few to rent.  The young girl offered to let me take one for a test drive so I did.  She seemed nice so I took a deep breath and handed over my passport (nervewracking to do but its how they make sure you bring it back….or use it to scam you into costly repairs).  3 whisky bottles of gas and I was off!!

The roads here are terrifying.  poorly maintained concrete slabs with a sharp edge – no shoulder.  The island has extremely steep hills, but with few cars and most people keeping it under 50km/hr, it’s not TOO bad.  There are quite a few more roads on this island and they arent’t well marked so i did get lost a few times.  My intention was to see every beach and on the west/north sides, I pretty much did.  They’re all beautiful and I feel as if I could have chosen any one and been just as happy as with Haad Chao Phao.

The one thing I don’t like so much is how shallow the water is here and there are TONS of spiny urchins and fat gross sea cucumbers.  I went to buy some water shoes but bought a floaty instead.  I put on my mask and snorkle and floated around checking out all the little critters.  You know what? Even 3 feet deep water is terrifying when you can see what’s in it.  Lots of colourful fish but some things…..BLAH!!!!  And then seaweed touches your leg and it’s game over.  Haha!

Upon returning from dinner last night at the Spider Omelet Restaurant, there was a REALLY.BIG.SPIDER in my bathroom sink.  We stared each other down for a minute and I decided to try to turn the tap on really fast!  Well, he beat me to it and ran down the drain like a flash of spidery lightning! I ran the water for a good long time.  I mean, how big are the lungs on these things?  Big enough, I guess.  he was back again this morning and ready to tango.  It was first thing in the morning and I was sweaty, groggy and needed to pee.  Ain’t nobody got time for this shit!  I tried my previous trick of reaching for the tap.  Nope….he was ready for that and made a mad dash out of the sink.  The bathrom here is just a big concrete room with a toilet and a sink,  The whole thing is a shower so grabbed the shower hose and started spraying. He was so fast! He ran all over everything of mine he could get his creepy littel legs on and I just kept squealing and spraying.  The water pressure here sucks and there is no hot water so it’s really not that threatening.  He ran over to the toilet side and tried to get on the ceiling so I grabbed the toilet butt-sprayer and hosed him down to the floor.  “THIS ISN’T WORKING” I screamed to no one. I grabbed a water bottle and tried to mash him but he made it pretty clear he was going for my face.  I needed something longer!  A broom handle!  Yes!!! I chased him all over – sprayer in one hand and wildly jabbing at him with the broom handle…bashing him as his legs fell off on went down the drain all the while I’m yelling “DIIIIIIE!!!!”.  And finally, it was over.  I carefully put away the sprayer and the broom, and went on with planning my day.  About an hour later, I went back to bathroom only to find the 3 legged terror had dragged itself up out of the drain and halfway to the bedroom before expiring.  Determined.  Very determined.

The rest of my day was uneventful.  My goal to see Haad Rin (Full Moon Party beach) on the far east side of the island was a success.  THe roads there are even hairier than on the west side.  Its NUTS!!  But fun.  The beach was out of this world, but the town was weird.  It was like Boubon Street had been abandoned.  Everything was closed.  It was dirty.

On the way back, i thought I would stop at the Tong Sala pier and book a boat to Koh Samui but I couldn’t find the friggen pier.  There are travel agents everywhere so I slammed on the brakes and ran into the first one I saw.  Her english was ok but her accent was VERY hard to understand so we wrote a lot of notes back and forth.  She was a lovely lady and offered bananas and water.  She was also the first Thai person I have heard complain about the heat.  Boat to Samui, no problem but I also needed to book my train to Bangkok.  Before leaving this morning I checked the 12goasia website and could see there were 12 seats left in a second class a/c sleeper for the 14th.  But I was uncertain about how to get the tickets since Thai Railways doesn’t do etickets.  Travel agents are a godsend here AND they can print train tickets so it made sense to have her book that for me too.  But….there are no seats left…AT ALL!  She gave me the finger-wag for thinking this was a good idea during a major holiday.  haha!  I tried to pull up the website from earlier but it was down.  She could only get me the 13th or the 16th.  I had already booked my hut on Samui for 3 nights but I have lots more beach time in Cambodia so I opted to head north ASAP.  I forfeit one night so I’m out a whole $11 there but when you’re traveling and unemployed, $11 is quite a lot to lose.  That’s a one hour massage at full price!!!  Or a cheap bottle of wine!!!  So I signed off on my train booking.  She handed me the plate of bananas, said something about digestion and ran down the street to another travel agency.  When she returned, she had my tickets.  I guess she doesn’t have a printer. Haha!  This place is great! I hopped back on my scooter and carried on, only to find that I WAS at the pier.  Haha!  The sun must have been in my eyes.  Duh!  There must have been a mad panic of last minute train travelers because when the website was up again, everything was sold out.

SO after one last happy sunset-float, I am ready to move on.  Tomorrow, I’m headed to Samui for 2 last nights of island living before heading far north, in search of relief from this heat!  My beach hut on Samui is at a “touristy” beach as I feel it’s time to transition into a more social atmosphere. Let’s see how that goes. Ha!