The islands off the coast of Cambodia were intended to be near the beginning of my trip and I was going to give the beaches of Thailand a pass. But as I added more and more time to this adventure, I switched directions and chose to make this part near the end.  I’m glad I did.  But to get to the islands, one must first travel to the seedy beachfront party city of Sihanoukville.

I mentioned the night bus from Siem Reap to Sihanoukville in my last post.  There are plenty of options but depending on what you want and how last minute you decide to book, the decision is sometimes made for you.  In all my research, this one company stood out that it should absolutely be avoided at all costs.  They have reckless drivers who speed and drive like absolute clowns through the already unsafe roads of Cambodia; they have several sexual assault accusations; they have a long record of accidents and break-downs resulting in theft from belongings left on the bus while waiting for help; and they have been known to pick up hitch-hiking locals along the way resulting in unwanted spooning or elbowing from ranom people sitting in the aisles.  And one thing ALL bus companies have in common: absolute nightmare bathroom on board.  The trip was 13 hours, straight through.

There are different types of overnight buses.  There are regular seat buses, reclining seat buses (like a lazy boy), beds that have a slight angle and beds that lay flat.  Mine was a flat style and i was sure to book an upper single so i didn’t have to spoon a stranger.  It’s like bunk beds, but on a bus.  They make you take your shoes off and give you a plastic bag to keep them in.  This made me uneasy about the toilet.  I asked about the toilet and the driver said “stop every 2 hours”.  Oh neat!  Excellent!  Off to my bed at 4B.

It was nice!!  The pillow looked a little icky but I had my own pillowcase so no big deal. I gave the bed a sniff and it checked out ok. But it was NARROW!  OMG!  I am 5’8″ and of the “amazon” build.  If this was a coffin, I’d be a bit uncomforatable in the afterlife and with my feet almost flat on the divider, I fit perfectly….until we sped up or slowed down.  haha!  The mattress was comfy enough and once I got settled in with my fleece wrap and my neck pillow, I was snug as a bug.  It was only 9pm but they turn out the lights so i decided to just try to sleep.  The forst stop was at 10:30pm.  I was a bit confused as to what was happending.  I thought we broke down.  I saw some other buses and realized it was a pee stop.  YAY!  Wait……no……not yay.  Squat toilets, and really ugly ones too!  But they had nice hand soap…?

Back on the bus I tried again to sleep.  The bus had lights all along the outside so you could see the roadside quite well.  I shut my curtain but there was another light like and airplane light that kept obnoxiously flashing.  What the hell does a bus need that for?  Turns out, it was lightning!  I popped a benadryl, pulled back my curtain and watched the whole Cambodian countryside light up every 15-30 seconds.  Incredible!!! I drifted off to sleep. The next pee stop was in a city of some sort.  1:30am.  I was the only one who partook.  The drivers aren’t the friendliest but they are efficient.  In my pj’s and no bra, I was hoofing down a city sidewalk to a nearby hotel.  The security guard was asleep so I asked “toilet?”  Scared the socks off him. Haha!  There was a group of Americans walking through the lobby who offered me their bathroom.  How nice!  Buuuuuut…..a bit weird and I was still in the grip of Benadryl.  Heading back to the bus, 3 more had shown up and they all looked the same.  My bus was waiting for me and the drivers ran up and shepherded me inside.  On the road again!  I watched the city go by as we returned to the road.  Where the hell *were* we?  Couldn’t be Phnom Penh.

Yes…..yes it was Phnom Penh.  Unless Mistress Benadryl denied me additional pee-breaks, the next time we stopped was when the bus stalled.  It just……stopped.  There was a bit of commotion amongst the drivers and many attempts to start the bus.  No good.  It was still mostly dark, just after 5am and I began to panic a bit.  “oh shit!  We broke down!  We’re all gonna get robbed! AAAAAHHH!!!” and I began preparing my bag of valuables to take with me should we hae to get off the bus.  No one else on the bus even stirred until we were suddenly rammed by what felt like another bus!!!  And with that, the bus fired right up and drove another 100 feet…..into the bus station.  Sooooo, we were supposed to arrive at 9:30am but it was just after 5am.  Hmmm…..BUT, I arrived alive, unrobbed, unmolested and had a decent sleep.  HOORAY!

In my sleepy haze and still in my pj’s, I subjected myself the barrage of tuk tuk drivers circling like starved vultures.  I panicked!  It was just barely light out, I had NO place to stay and had expected to have arrived 4 hours later so I could sit in a cafe and plot my next move.  A motorbike driver convinced me to hand over my giant backpack and get on the back of his bike and he would take me to a restaurant that was already open.  Okee dokee.  After seeing what the city is like later in the day, cruising through while the city slept was quite a treat.  He dumped me off at a place that promised a buffet.  But there was no buffet!!! FML!!  They did have wifi but it was slow and the food was good and fairly priced (but they really get you with the coffee!!).  After a sunrise and another hour or so, I had farted around with shitty wifi enough to know where I was and what i was doing.  I decided to stay the night in Sihanoukville and head to the the islands the next morning.  I also decided to have breakfast again. The noodle soup was great but does not do much to fend of the hangrys later on.

I found a cute little guesthouse nearby, Mick & Craigs.  They had good reviews on their food and had themed BBQ nights every night.  I tried to book but none of the booking sites would load the booking with the shitty wifi.  10am and I decided to walk it and see what I could find.  Mick & Craigs was RIGHT THERE!  haha!  5 minute walk at the most.  I was happily checked in to one of the most charming little rooms with TWO fans!!  I loved it.  The bed was so comfy I sat on it and took an awesome nap!

For lunch I took the 5 minute walk to Serendipity Beach.  It was quiet.  Not at all what I expected from all the reviews suggesting it was noisy, dirty and seedy.  But, this is beginning of low season so…..

There were few customers but several vendors.  one after the other, women approached me offering a mainicure or pedicure while holding a basket of probably never sanitized tools.  No, thank you.  “Massage?”.  No. Then came the bracelet sales and sunglasses.  It was unavoidable!  Then come the beggars with missing limbs and eyes.  It’s awful how many!  I didn’t want to give anythig while inside a restaurant but along the boardwalk, there are many unfortunates and this is a good time to get rid of some of those confusing riel notes!

I went on a misson to obtain goods for my trip to the Islands.  The internet told me there were few resources available for basic needs and medicine so I got extra bug spray (even though I haven’t really needed it so far), extra sunblock (because so far, I think all sunblock here is out to get me, even the coppertone!) and wine, because the island restaurants probably have severely inflated prices. I also considered an antibiotic for food poisooning since it is extremely common on the islands with their lack of all day electicity, poor toilet/washing facilities and sporadic fresh food delivery.

At the last minute, I realized I would need to apply for a visa to enter Vietnam when I get back.  Well now THERES an idea!  I darted in and out of travel agencies until I found one that wasnt quoting $10 USD over the actual price.  The crew at WOnderful Travel were….well…wonderful.  And funny too!  But wouldn’t you know it, the Vietnamese Consulate, which is thankfully located in Sihanoukville as opposed to the capital, is CLOSED for a 5 day holiday starting the day after the next.  The agent said he would try to get it the next day but having it by the 6th might be a stretch. I was planning to enter Vietnam on the 7th so that would hopefully work out

So with wine and rum on board and 3 malfunctioning sunblocks and 3 bug sprays, I was ready for my Koh Rong Islands Adventure!  Oh, and of course a stop at the ATM because the islands are without ATMS!

I was planning to just show up on Koh Rong and find a room but at the last minute, opted to prebook and overpay.  Off to the islands!  First stop: Koh Tuch on Koh Rong!

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The “Nightmare” Bus To Sihanoukville

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